Providing care for incapacitated wives and husbands is a huge commitment and an even bigger undertaking. The act can be physically, mentally and emotionally taxing.

But who cares for the caregiver? Oftentimes, that responsibility falls to the caregivers themselves.

Well Spouse Association is a support group that recognizes that caregiving husbands and wives are more effective when they are healthy.

"This is our therapy," said Barry Applebaum, the founder of the Lancaster chapter of Well Spouse Association. "This is our respite. This is a way to talk to people who know what we're going through. Sometimes it's for the friendships that we make."

"When you become a spousal caregiver, it's uniquely different," continued Applebaum. "It has unique challenges. That person was someone you communicated with. ... But it's not the same person. You learn to love and care in a different way."

The Lancaster branch of Well Spouse Association meets at 7 p.m. on the second and fourth Wednesdays of every month. The support group for spouses who are taking care of significant others meets via Zoom on the second Wednesday and at Wegmans, 2000 Crossings Blvd., Lancaster, on the fourth Wednesday.

There is a yearly membership fee associated with joining the group.

"Every person's situation is different," said Applebaum, a 66-year-old resident of East Lampeter Township. "Our spouses are sick and can't get out, so the Zoom meeting is convenient. Some people don't want their spouses to know they're doing this. It can be threatening. For most of us, the reality is our spouses are (present in this world), but they're very different. We have to transport them, and some can't talk well."

Since its inception about nine years ago, the Lancaster branch of Well Spouse Association has had a membership fluctuating between three and eight spousal caregivers. The members are caring for spouses who have had strokes, cancer, traumatic brain injuries, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) and muscular dystrophy.

"The numbers of people who are spousal caregivers is staggering," said Applebaum. "We're this well-kept secret. Some contend that the average senior citizen is a spousal caregiver."

"You reach a point that we call anticipatory grief where we grieve a loved one who is still here," he added. "For many of us, when a spouse does pass, we grieve extensively. But others come to terms with it quickly because they've already grieved. People reach a point where they can't (give care) anymore."

In 2011, Applebaum's wife, Susanne, an otherwise healthy 50-year-old dental hygienist, experienced a massive stroke. After attending Well Spouse Association meetings near King of Prussia; Cherry Hill, N.J.; and Baltimore, Applebaum decided to start a chapter closer to home.

"Our lives have never been the same since (the stroke)," said Applebaum. "We were going to travel and live our lives. But it was all taken away from us. When you have no choice, you do what you have to do. I went for counseling, but at the end of the day, being around people who get it was more therapeutic. We are dealing with our (spouse's) own specific disabilities, but we understand and support each other. We understand what we go through day to day."

Headquartered in Freehold, N.J., Well Spouse Association was founded in 1988, and the organization assists more than 25 support groups.

"There was a point with my wife where I was doing everything and I burned out, and I ended up with my own health issues," said Applebaum. "I want to maintain a sense of who I am. (Well Spouse) keeps me in a world where I talk to people, and it keeps me relevant. We all go through these cycles. We have good weeks, and we have bad weeks. When I'm feeling down, I realize some people have it worse."

For additional information, call 717-413-6452.